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Cherry
Group: Registered User
Last Login: 11/15/2007 8:09 PM
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I moved back home after he deployed to go back to school and now I having trouble relating to my peers. All I think about is my husband and I just needed to tell someone that actually cares/understands. I actually kind of miss Bragg because of this. Spouses, does it get easier later on? Is it something you just kind of get used to?
proud 82nd paratrooper wife
medic - California National Guard (leg)
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Caffinated Jumper
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Co-dependency is a two edged sword. It's a wonderful feeling and a sickening feeling. The aching does get better it depends on your cirumstances like if you have children, how busy your won work is, how often you get to communicate and what style of communucation you use. The most important thing is to rememebr youu are an independent person who chose to be with him. Focus each day on the fact that you have stuff to do. use lists to accomplish tasks. Add new tasks of things you always procrastinated doing because there was never time.. Take up a new hobby like Rosestta Stone language tapes, or exercise, something that could be considered self improvement that will boost both your value to yourself and to him on his return. Take a college class or a pottery class, paint that room or clean out the garage. Take on those tasks you never made time for previously because you were too busy spending time..... Not only will you create a sense of accomplishment and burn off the worry and anxiety, but you will improve your situation.
| Time is relative, relatives take time. |  |
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HH6/Resident Beerwench
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| It does not get any easier. Hubby was gone twice and I just learned to adjust to that fact. He will be leaving soon again so I feel as if I am becoming a seasoned pro. It sucks, it hurts, but I get to stay home while he is off fighting a war. Everything seems insignificant compared to what he is going through. Your civilian peers have no idea what you are going through, it is a sad thing, but a true thing. All of my friends told me they would be around to help me, but the sad truth is, they weren't. They did not call or when I needed help, I relied on my parents to help me. Everyday fights they were having with their husbands made me want to cry and scream that I would prefer to be fighting about taking out the trash. I would suggest you take up a hobby to get you through the months. Find something where you can go and focus your energy on. Just stay positive and focused on him. I enjoyed going out and buying things to send to him. I tried to make sure that he never knew just how bad I was hurting inside. He knew I had lost my job twice while he was away and I made sure to stay focused on being positive and productive for him.
- "Hundreds of thousands of American servicemen and women are deployed across the world in the war on terror. By bringing hope to the oppressed, and delivering justice to the violent, they are making America more secure. "
George W. Bush
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Paratrooper
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I can still vividly remember the fear in my Mother's eyes every time the phone rang, or a telegraph arrived, when my Father was serving in Europe during WWII. She took it one day at a time, and when she could no longer hold back the tears, she would toughen up and say, "OK, Liz, you're no better than millions of other Wives!". If anyone thinks it's easy being on the home front while Fathers, Husbands, Children, or Siblings, are away fighting a War, they had better guess again. My Father died in 1950 from injuries he received during the late stages of WWII. I pray we will never see another War the scope of WWII.
RJ 
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Masters of Hard Knocks from the University of Gravity
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Well, I can't really tell you if it gets better or not. But I wish you would have gotten in here before you decided to move back home. Being around family always sounds appealing but the reality is that the Army "IS YOUR FAMILY" and there are hundreds of family members there all going through the same thing. At least they have something in common and are able to share.
When I deployed and was able to call back home, my wife always told me things were going great and as the Brits say "She kept a stiff upper lip!"
But I can recall on one specific deployment where I was the only guy in the unit to deploy (go figure) the other wives in the battalion were always calling on my wife to see if she needed anything, inviting here over just to get here out of the house and stuff. I remember my battalion commander's wife telling me after I returned that my wife had to finally tell the others to back off and just give her a little space. She really appreciated the fellowship though. I know because she was home alone (we didn't have kids yet).
So the only real advice I can give you here is that when you do get to talk to your guy, or write your guy, be truthful about what is going on but also let him know that you are dealing with it and that he needs to remain focused. You need to be strong enough at least in impression to him that he is not worrying about what is going on back home. Let him know it is OK for him to miss you but you can deal with everything else.
And when you can't get your 4th point of contact back in here and let's see what we can do to help. And don't wait until it is to late. Also don't forget even though you left the base the unit still has a requirement to help you out the best they can.
Stay Hard
"Si Vis Pacum Para Bellum"
If you want peace prepare for war!
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Air Force Liaison/P.Net Original Cast of Characters
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| My lovely bride Dawn is the rock and center piece of Clan Mortarman. I have been activated twice and deployed three times since we have been married and all I can say is WOW! The stuff she did and still does while I was gone. Keep your mind busy and stay focused at the task sat hand. If you have kids, then they should be your number one priority. If you don't, then leave your daily stress in the gym....work out and it will pay dividends when hubby comes home! 
LOAD CLEAR! LOAD CLEAR! "Your job is my hobby!!" 
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Hard Charger
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I keep thinking I should have something profound to say here but it's pretty well been said by those who've beaten me to the thread. Stay in contact with military friends, they will understand, no one else will. This forum is a great place to hang out with some new one. It sometimes gets a little strange but you're married to a paratrooper so you understand that. Know that your civilian friends will never fully understand what it is you are dealing with. Remind them that there is a war on--I am constantly amazed by the number of people who are seemingly completely unaware of what is happening over there. Focus on your family, love them and love your husband and find something constructive to do with your time--gym is a great suggestion.
God's Best and thank you for your service and sacrifice. Believe me I'd much rather deploy than remain home and keep the homefires burning, it's much easier
"...my religious belief teaches me to feel as safe in battle as in bed. God has fixed the time for my death. I do not concern myself about that, but to be always ready, no matter when it may overtake me." He added, after a pause, looking me full in the face: "That is the way all men should live, and then all would be equally brave" General "Stonewall" Jackson
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Cherry
Group: Registered User
Last Login: 11/15/2007 8:09 PM | | | |