"The more we sweat in training, the less we bleed on the streets."

"Your life is not my fault."

"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"That says POLICE, not taxi!"

"Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second?"

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"You can't outrun a radio."

"Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Someone, somewhere is practicing. If you're not, and someday, if you should meet, you will lose."

"Every dog has it's day. Good dogs have two."

"Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"I'd rather have the gear and not need it than need the gear I don't have."

"If it's worth stopping, it's worth writing."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse  <~ my favorite! a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Listen with your ears, not with your mouth."

"Some people are meant to be cops, and some people are meant to call the cops."

"God made tomorrow for the crooks we don't catch today."

"God must love stupid people, 'cause he sure made a lot of them."

"Life's tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"Law enforcement is not a spectator sport."

"I'm glad to hear the chief of police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You might beat the rap, but you can't beat the ride."

"We don't hire cops in this department, we hire common sense and make cops from it."

"Shoot them until they think they're dead."

"I don't believe they should use the electric chair, they need to use electric bleachers."

"Your arrest. You catch 'em, you clean 'em."

"There are no dress rehearsals, and this is the big time."

"No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

I have used that one before

Also from the movie SWAT when the bad guy is caught at the end.

"Tell Daddy How You want It" As he is holding the gun to the bad guys face. I am looking oh so forward to using that one on a certain dirtbag that I have to deal with regularly.

Good stuff Ertman.....

When citizens need help they call 911 for the Police, when the Police need help they call SWAT.

When you go by another car and all the occupants turn to watch you they're up to no good. If you go by a car and none of the occupants will look at you they're definetly up to no good!

Yes sir you do pay my salary...how about a raise!

Yes sir(part 2) you can have my badge...this stupid clip on tie, this uncomfortable polyester uniform, the hot body armor, the 30 lb. duty belt, the rotating shifts, without weekends or holidays off, the dubious honor of dealing with drunk/drugged A-holes, and the wonderful salary that allows me to work two or three part-time jobs just to reach a decent standard of living! Enjoy.

What part of "don't put your hands in your pockets" did you not understand?

Yikes...that's gonna leave a mark!

"Sir, we don't have a quota, but two more tickets and my wife gets a microwave!"

That one got me a visit to the big guy's office!!